


Hollow

by teadominusrex



Series: You Are My Sunshine [2]
Category: King Falls AM (Podcast)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 16:45:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14958338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teadominusrex/pseuds/teadominusrex
Summary: Things that happen after episode 75 and more Sammy and Jack before King Falls





	Hollow

**Author's Note:**

> *Shows up more than a month late with a Caramel Frappuccino* 'Sup
> 
> Sammy and Jack flash backs aren't in chronological order for this part

After everything, Ben takes Sammy back to his apartment.

“You’re not staying alone tonight” Ben had insisted and Sammy didn’t bother fighting him about it. The lease was up on his place anyway.

“Hey Sammy” Ben says in That Voice, that You Just Tried To Off Yourself I Don’t Know What To Do Here voice, Sammy hates so much. 

“Yeah?” Sammy forces himself not to snap

“Are you… okay, well I know you’re not okay but…” Ben sighs “Do you wanna talk about it? Or anything that just happened?” 

“Not really” 

“Oh. Okay. Well, if you want…”

“I know, Ben” 

Ben hovers, trying to pretend like he wasn’t watching Sammy. It shouldn’t get on Sammy’s nerves, but most things shouldn’t be.

“Jesus, Ben I’m not gonna kill myself if you leave the room” he snaps 

Ben flinches “sorry I didn’t mean to… I’ll leave you alone” 

“No, wait” Sammy feels the tears he’s been holding back start to build in his chest “I’m sorry. Please don’t leave” 

“Okay” Ben heistatly puts his arms around Sammy, holding him close

“I’m sorry” Sammy repeats “I’m sorry I’m so… goddamn useless” 

“You’re not-”

“Yes I am. I’m useless without Jack. I couldn’t even… it’s not fair” he sobs “it’s not fucking fair”

 

“Hey Sammy have you-” Jack stops when he sees his boyfriend sitting on the bathroom floor “what’s wrong?”

Sammy jumps and scrubs his face with his sleeve “nothing. Your keys are on the kitchen table” 

Jack sinks to his knees and cups Sammy’s face with his hands “tell me what’s wrong, sunshine” 

“It’s nothing, Jack” Sammy insists “you’re going to late for work”

“I don’t care”

“You’re going to get fired”

“I don’t care” 

“I do. We’re broke college students who can’t afford to get fired, remember?”

“I can’t get another job” Jack insists “tell me what’s wrong” 

“Nothing” Sammy repeats “really. Nothing happened I just… I’m fine, Jack. Just go to work”

“No, I’m calling in sick” 

“But I’m-” 

“It’s okay to be not okay, sunshine” Jack says, pulling Sammy to his feet “now we’re going to cuddle in bed and watch one of those cheesy old monster movies. Would that help?”

“I dunno. Maybe” Sammy buries his face into Jack’s shoulder “you don’t have to do this”

“Yes I do. You’re my boyfriend and I love you”

“That’s not a very good reason” 

“It’s the best reason to do anything”

 

Sammy moves into Ben’s home office (which had one of those cork boards with the strings connecting thing, like in the movies) after Ben had down right refused to let Sammy try and find a place of his own. 

Lily had shown up a day or two later, saying she’d rented a place in the same building (there were only a two apartment buildings in King Falls so it wasn’t all the surprising) because “living out of the that stupid motel sucked” 

Sammy spends a surprising amount of time with her. 

Sammy isn’t sure if their really friends, but their something, and he’s okay with that.

“Do you ever hate him?” 

Sammy looks up “What?”

“Jack.” Lily clearifles “do you ever hate him for leaving?”

“No” Sammy says “do you?”

“Sometimes” she says “and then I hate myself for feeling like that”

“It was my fault. So if you’re going to hate someone, hate me”

“I don’t hate you”

“He woke me up” Sammy digs his nails (his left arm, the one with the  _ ring  _ the one he’s still wearing, he put it on when he was going- and now he can’t take it off) into his arm “I should have been able to save him”

“What do you mean?” 

“He woke me up” Sammy repeats, nails leaves red marks on his skin “he woke me up and said he was going to be right back and I assumed he meant… back to be for something. Which doesn’t make sense because he hadn’t been to bed and then I when back to sleep and when I woke up he was  _ gone _ ”

“You’re going to make yourself bleed” Lily says “and I don’t want blood on my couch”

“Sorry”

“And stop apologizing already. No one blames you but you”

“I saw him, Lily and I couldn’t- how is this not my fault?”

Lily gives him one of her Lily looks, one of her “I’m older and therefore I know best looks” and sighs “you don’t know what you saw.”

“Yes I do” Sammy glares at her “I saw him”

“You were under a lot of stress, Sammy” 

“I don’t need you to believe me, Lily” 

_ The less you know the better  _ he thinks

 

“I don’t think I’m asking for that much, Sammy” Jack sighs

They don’t fight much, but when they do, it’s usually about this.

“I told you, I’m not ready to come out.” Sammy says again “I’m sorry”

“Why not? It’s LA, it’s 2008!” Jack points out “not-”

“Five years ago? Less?” Sammy says “things aren’t magically better just because marriage equality passed” 

“I know that!” Jack says “look I’m really just trying to understand”

Sammy drags a hand through his hair “okay, so we come out. Best case serionior, we lose our jobs and no station hires us ever again” 

“We won’t lose our jobs, Sammy” Jack sighs 

“If people find out I’m gay and dating my producer they’ll stop listening to the show, and then we’ll both get fired and-”

“Sammy” Jack cuts in before Sammy can spiral farther “that’s not going to happen. And I never said we had to come out at work, I just hate having to pretend all the time”

“What you think I don’t?” Sammy snaps “I hate it too, Jack.”

“Then why-”

“Because I’m scared” Sammy pulls at his hoodie sleeve “and I hate that I’m scared, I hate it so much, I wish I could be like you but I’m not. I didn’t have a loving, supportive family and rainbow cakes and a queer sibling and an understanding comminuteity”

“It wasn’t easy for me either, Sammy, my parents are still kinda weird about the whole thing and-” Jack tries to reach for Sammy

“Oh are they “kinda weird” about it” Sammy jerks away “why can’t you just understand that this isn’t easy for me”

“I could understand if you told me what happened. But you won’t” 

Sammy sighs and sits down on the edge of the bed “do you really want to know?”

Jack gently sits down next to him and takes his hand “yes but I want you to tell me, not because I want to know” he bites his lip “I know this is hard for you, and I shouldn’t have pressured you” 

Sammy sighs and picks at his sleeve “when I was 17, my parents caught me kissing a boy. Matt Taylor, he was a year older than and… it doesn’t matter. My parents were supposed to be out of town, but they came home early and… it was pretty to say the least. I spent to next year seeing a therapist to “cure my disease’”

“Oh sunshine that’s terrible” Jack pulls Sammy closer “I’m so sorry you had to go through that”

“I promise someday I’ll come out, I just can’t yet” 

Jack presses a kiss to Sammy’s forehead in answer. 

 

“What are you two doing?” Sammy asks. Ben and Emily both jump and try to cover up what they’re working on, like Sammy hasn’t already seen. 

Jack-in-the-box Jesus he leaves for half a day (he just needed to  _ breathe _ ) and they turn Ben’s living room into “How to Defeat the Shadow Maker” command central.

“Sammy-” Emily starts but Sammy cuts her off

“Why can’t you just let this go, Ben?” 

“Because” Ben says “it’s important” 

“It’s going to get you killed” Sammy snapped “or worse” 

“I know you’re worried” Ben says trying to keep the exasperation out of his voice “but I really think we found something”

“No,” Sammy says “no, this is insane. If anything this proves my point that we should just let this go.”

“Last time you said that, you didn’t mean it” Ben points out “I know you don’t mean it this time either”

“I already tried to reason with the shadows, Ben, and I couldn’t. That was all I had”

“Too bad I’m not just going to let you give up then” 

Sammy closed his eyes and takes a deep breath. “I can’t have this fight again.”

“Great” Ben grins “then it’s settled”

“What, no Ben, nothing’s settled” 

“Yes it is” Ben says “because you love Jack”

“Love doesn’t bring people back” 

“I’m living proof that it does” Emily says gently “I know you’re scared right now, but giving up isn’t the answer.”

Sammy sighs again “you’re not taking no for an answer are you?”

“Never” replies Ben and Sammy blows the hair out of his face.

“Okay” he says, voice starting to break “show me what you have so far”

 

“Jack” Sammy says. His fiancé doesn’t look up from his computer. “Jack”  Sammy repeats “it’s 3am baby come to bed”

“I’ll be there soon” Jack says still not looking up

“You always say that and then you never come to bed” Sammy says “you need to sleep”

“This is really important Sammy” 

Sammy snaps Jack’s laptop shut

“Sammy what the hell-”

“This isn’t healthy. Don’t sleep, you barely eat- I’m worried about you” Sammy pushes the hair out of Jack’s eyes “look, I get that this is really important to you, I do, but it’s not more important than your health.”

“I just need a little longer Sammy, I’m so close”

“So close to what?”

“I’m not sure yet” Jack says “but I’ll know when I get there”

“Won’t you work better after some rest?” Sammy pleads “just… come to bed”

“I’ll be there in a minute, I promise”

“Fine” Sammy turns away “I just… I miss you” 

 

It’s impossible to get his bearings in the Void, but Sammy has to focus, he has to find Jack.

“Sammy you aren’t supposed to be here”

Sammy spins around and 

“ _ Jack” _

“You aren’t supposed to be here” Jack repeats “what the fuck were you think why would you-”

“It’s okay, baby” Sammy pulls Jack into his arms “I promise” 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Part 3 coming I swear! It will probably be the last part, with a possible bonus part 4.


End file.
